the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
