It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
