I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
