these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
