My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
