how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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