they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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