Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize