I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize