she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
