Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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