i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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