I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
