loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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