I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
