shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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