I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
