I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
