you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize