I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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