i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize