Do you still have your period?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
