Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
