he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
