You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dick very happy bro
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