and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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