I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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