We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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