Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
