I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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