I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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