It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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