we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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