If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
