we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
