there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
