i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
