I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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