Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
