he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize