I wish I could teleport
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
