I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
