I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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