My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she pinky promised me she was 18
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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