Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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