Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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