Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
