google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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