so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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