Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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