I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
