Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
