seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just had sex on a roof
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
