I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
