Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
