I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
