Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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