TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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