; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize