Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
