Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
