I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
