Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
