There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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