plz talk dirty to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
