I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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