i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize