I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
