"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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