I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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