You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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